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And I know you really try.
It’d hard for you to understand,
Because your sweet child didn’t die.
Please don’t say….”It was Gods will”‘
Thinking faith is what I lack.
My child died and I’m still here.
That’s just a cold hard fact.
Please don’t say…”I know how you feel”‘
Even though you think you do.
This pain was somehow granted, To only just a few.
Please don’t say…”Life wonderful!”
And expect that mine should be.
There’s nothing here within this world,
To make my life complete.
Please don’t say…”It was meant to be”,
I hate that old cliché.
Although I do believe it, Those words are for me to say.
Please don’t say…”You should move on”.
Like you did when” someone “died.
You see you just don’t understand The tears a parent cries.
Please don’t say…”It’s a better place”‘
Even though I know it’s true.
I want back all the yesterdays, Before death captured youth.
Please don’t say…”I understand”.
Just be thankful you’ve been spared.
I know you don’t know what to say,

So simply say…”I care”.

Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can’t believe you’re gone

It ain’t fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Today, Today, Today
Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I’ll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

After Death Of My Son

Love is all I sought, I never was taught, the world seemed lonely and cold. Even though life was tough, I never gave up, I saw my life as a full cup…

I was shocked and amazed when I realized in a daze, what I was looking for I found in me. I had made my own little family and became a full time mother of two. I gave to them everything I had longed for, not knowing if it was right; I loved them with all of my might.

God had blessed me with two cute little angels, but he had called one home, leaving my cup feeling empty. I wondered if I had done something wrong, was it because I was a bad Mom?

 

But the blessing was clear, when God wiped away my tear, I  have done nothing wrong, Arya wanted to come home, his love for you was full grown, no need for him to stay. His journey to earth was short and sweet, yes.. his life was brief, and he did not want you to grieve. But instead to rejoice in his love he gave you by choice. He selected you to be his Mom; he knew you could handle the stress of losing a son. He knew that you would understand, that even though you carried him, pampered him and held his hand, he was not yours to keep…

Our children can tell, when they are ready as well, to call and decided to go home. No matter what, Arya still loves you as much, your sanity is your own…

Believe it or not, and life is our say and no one can tell us how or when or if we should stay. So don’t be distraught when a loved one chooses to stop, living their life here in this way. They really didn’t die, they just can’t be seen by our eyes, but can always be felt in our hearts…

Death is not a device to make you think twice, it is our vehicle to travel back home. No one is dead, for they live on instead, with no boundaries, inflictions, or sorrow. No need to be sad, because that was God’s plan, to let you decided your tomorrow. He will love you anyway, even if you decided to stay, Your destiny is in your own hands. Whatever your need, no need to look further than thee, cause you are your own best friend…

Tomorrow is yours, not matter what occurs, it is all what you think it to be. No one can be blamed, if you are feeling shame, it is what you have asked for you see. Nothing outside can replace what’s inside, your knowledge and power comes from within…

Stop looking for someone to replace your numb, nothing can be undone. You will have great friends when you stop feeling abandoned, you must first be what you demand. Remember your master plan, to have and to hold all the good you can, to share and to bare without a care, because your feelings are all you really own anywhere…

So take it from me, a mother who has lost plenty, that life here on earth is our choice. And when were done, we will rejoice with our loved ones, who have been living in God’s Grace by their choice…

God Carried me…

Last year I still have everything,

But I never grateful

 

This year I lost everything,

But thank you God

 

I still can stand tall with all the pains,

I still can smile with all the pains,

I still can move on with all the pains…

 

I know and trying to believe

That God has beautiful and great plans for me in the future

For that…I had to let my pride down

My heart broke

 

One thing I must make my heart to believe

That God never leave me

God carried me…

Thank U

Thank you for showed me how to feel love

And how to broke it

 

Thank you for showed me how to trust someone

And how to broke it

 

Thank you for showed me how to smile

And how to broke it

 

Thank you for made me believe that I was beautiful

And how to make me feel as the ugliest

 

Thank you for made me feel like a princess

And how to make me feel like a trash

 

I used to think that u love me after what we’ve been through

But now I know that you not different than a pro liar

 

I used to loved you

But now…I HATE U

Manusia dan Tuhan

Sun Sewaktu Tuhan membelah jiwa dari wujud-Nya,Dia lalu menciptakan keindahan darinya.Tuhan menyematkan segenap kemuliaan dan kebaikan.Tuhan jg mempersembahkan cangkir kebahagiaan.Tuhan lalu berkata,”Jangan minum dari cangkir ini.Kebahagiaan itu hanya sesaat.Kecuali engkau mengabaikan masa lalu dan masa depanmu.”

Tuhan pun memberikan cangkir yang berisi penderitaan.Lalu Dia juga berkata,”Lantaran penderitaan akan senantiasa menyertaimu,maka minumlah melalui cangkir ini,agar engkau mengerti hakikat kebahagiaan yang sesaat.”

Kemudian Tuhan masih menghiasinya dengan cinta yang sanggup memberikan kenikmatan di kala nafas pertama berkelejar,menganugerahkan kepuasan inderawi dan membingkisnya dengan manis madu.Namun tanggal seketika bila telah dinodai oleh rayuan duniawi.

Dengan hikmah surgawi-Nya yang senantiasa mengarahkan ke jalan kebenaran,Tuhan menyertakan sepasang mata ke bilik sanubari yang mampu memandang segala yang maya.

Tuhan juga menjamah kobaran tungku murka dan gemuruh prahara dari

padang

kebodohan,butur2 pasir yang setajam pisau dari sahara keangkuhan dan tanah kasar dari telapak kaki zaman,lantas semuanya dileburkan menjadi manusia.

Pada diri manusialah mengeram kekuatan buta yang akan menyeretnya ke

padang

nafsu angkara.Disitulah nyawa manusia bertapa.

Tuhan kemudian tertawa namun sekaligus menangis.Tuhan merasakan gemuruh kasih saying-Nya dalam diri manusia.Tuhan pun mengayominya dalam Hidayah-Nya…

N731028492_489037_7040 1.20 dini hari dipenghujung bulan Juni

Aku terdiam memeluk malaikat kecilku yang membeku

Aku terdiam saat perih tak lagi mampu melukiskan sedih

Saat air mata tak mampu lagi berhenti

Saat kata-kata hanya mengeluarkan sebuah pertanyaan…

KENAPA ????

1.20 dini hari awal hari minggu

Aku menatap matanya yang terpejam

Terlelap dalam mimpi abadinya

Tiada lagi suara mungilnya memanggilku

Mama…Cinta…

Semua membeku bersama keabadian akannya

1.20 dini hari tanggal 29 Juni 2008

Aku membeku bersama jiwaku yang terlepas

Terkubur dalam keabadiannya

Dia tidak memberiku kesempatan

Mengucapkan Selamat Tinggal

Atau setidaknya mengatakan..Aku Sayang Sekali Padamu

Semua takkan sama sejak 29 Juni 2008 pukul 1.20 Dini Hari

Awal hari minggu…

Puzzle Hati Tertinggal

Dalam kelam ada hati remuk redam

Dalam sekam ada dendam

Berharap tak jadi doa…

Aksara terucap adalah serpihan hati

Meredam angkara menggabungkan kembali puzzle hati terberai

Merekatkan sengan harapan

Jika dalam sekam terselip rindu,

Adakah puzzle hati tertinggal dalam dentuman ruang waktu ?

Mimpi Yang USang

Mimpi kini semakin usang

Menampar dengan realita..

Kupalingkan wajah

Tapi tak dapat ku tahan air mata

Aku ulurkan tangan

Meraih sepasang tangan semu

Lonelygreen Aku terhempas kembali

Ke lubang yang sama dengan mimpi yang menipis

Membuatku sesak dengan kenyataan

Aku menangis…aku terluka

Aku takut…

Aku tengadahkan wajah hadapi kenyataan

Kamu bukanlah ’Selamanya”

Tundukkan wajah menikmati sisa-sisa mimpi

Disetiap hembusan nafasku

Kian sesak oleh kenyataan dan air mata

Aku Akan Menunggu

Dulu kamu berkata…aku menunggumu

Saat ku katakana “jangan menungguku”

Kamu berkata..aku tetap menunggumu

Saat ku katakan lepaskan aku pergi bersama kenangan kita

Kamu berkata..aku akan menunggumu selamanya

Saat ku katakan aku tidak mungkin bersamamu

Kamu berkata..aku akan tetap menunggumu

Waiting___alone Kini saat semua belenggu terlepas

Saat kaki bebas melangkah

Saat aku bisa menari dibawah mentari musim semi

Dimanakah engkau ?

Masihkah engkau menunggu ?

Ataukan engkau sudah menemukan pelangi dilangit birumu ?

Yang ku tahu…aku menunggu disini

Tempat sepi dibawah sapuan angin utara

Tempat dulu engkau berdiri dan berkata..Aku Akan Selalu Menunggu

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